I love seeing pictures of my friends’ growing families on their blogs and FB pages. Seriously, BABIES!  Almost everyone I know is on #2 or #3 right now, it seems.

And then I wonder….how? Not the mechanics, but the sanity how and the money how and the energy how. Because even if another pregnancy wasn’t a good bet at killing me, I don’t know how I could do it. What’s more, I don’t have any desire to do it, and didn’t, even when the perinatologist knowingly said, “You’ll be back as soon as she says ‘Mama’ for the first time.”

I said, “No, but thank you for all you’ve done.” Because we both made it out alive and that was enough.

Other MILPs have spoken of their deep desires to have another child recently, and I want to reiterate this is all about my hangups and I’m pretty sure that based on a survey of my acquaintance, I’m the weird one. Because again, don’t get me wrong: BABIES! But the caveat is other people’s BABIES!

Someone told me once that most kids are not as hard as mine. I don’t know if that’s true, but I cling to that. I am pretty sure that on a Richter scale of easy-goingness, Pea wouldn’t even register.

And the reality is that I’ve always wanted one child. Just one.

The annoying people do stop asking you, once your kid reaches a certain age, when you’re going to give her a sibling.

(I am so embarrassed to remember, years ago, I did ask friends this once–their answer was a lot like mine: another would kill the mom–but in in my defense, they are super LDS.)

Instead, the question is, “Where are her brothers/sisters?”  I’ve always said, “She’s a planned only child.”  And no, that isn’t enough to shut them up. Oh, she must want a sister or a brother. Yes, I say, sure. She also wants a puppy, and she doesn’t have one of those, either. (That, for the first few years, was another thing I was pretty sure I couldn’t manage at the same time as Pea without losing my sanity.)

Then they give me a look, the look that says I am an evil mother, and they either change the subject or tell me about how all ten of their children are best friends as adults.

Whatever. I could tell them stories about mine, but I don’t. The short answer is: Pea’s fine.

Mostly people tell me that my child is going to be selfish and unable to share because she lacks siblings. I’m not even going down that road. Suffice it to say she’s always been generous (to a point; don’t expect her to give you the last cupcake, although she might on a good day) and I’m not worried. Yes, I do wish she had someone else to play with when I’m trying to get things done.

But we still have that puppy card to play.