Archive for June, 2011

I am the panty police

Posted on June 30th, 2011

I spent waaaaaaay more time than I ever figured I would asking people to please put on underwear. And by people, I mean Pea. A few days ago, I came out of the bathroom to find her naked and “reading” one of her father’s professional journals. And by professional journal, I mean it was a professional journal where the text is only broken up by the occasional chart. WTF? I mean, M barely reads the things, clothed or not.

Categories: Not crazy...yet, WTF

The Attorney At Large’s Guide to Urban Manners, Part XI: Elevators and Streetcars

Posted on June 30th, 2011

This is another post in my Urban Manners series. Here is the bright line rule: people exiting the elevator and streetcar (or other public transit) get to do so before anyone else may enter the elevator or streetcar. I don’t care if it looks like the doors might shut on you – put your hand out and hold the door and wait for people to get off the conveyance. This isn’t just polite, it’s logical. Once some people have disembarked, there will be more room for other people. Related: let the people nearest the door exit first. If you’re standing near the door and don’t plan on getting off, get out of the damn way. If conditions are perfect, you should let women and…

Categories: Advice, Etiquette

New series in the gestating: Portland Parents

Posted on June 29th, 2011

I have seen some crazy parenting in the last week. The neighborhood I live in is overrun with trophy wives who will, while out and about in their work-out clothes, talk loudly on their cell phones while their children wreak havoc and play in traffic. That’s the norm. This week — I don’t know if it’s the Mensa conference in town this week (that is another story entirely) — but it has been nuts. So. I need to do a new series: Portland Parents. The problem is the visual. I’m not skilled at stealth photography, so I think the only way I can get photos of these parents is by pretending to take photos of Pea. (At least, that’s what I’ve come up with…

Categories: Portlandia, WTF

How to get your preschooler under control

Posted on June 29th, 2011

I discovered a way to get Pea to refocus and, thereby, revive what looked like would to be a crap day. All it required was two little words. Yesterday, Pea started to lose it around noon. We call it decompensating, because we don’t know a better word for it: basically, she gets whiny, scattered, weepy, disobedient, and, well, bratty. (It usually happens in late afternoon, when she’s tired, but for the past week or so, it’s been earlier and earlier in the day.) I had “work on [Pea's] executive function” on my to-do list (no, really), so thinking I had nothing to lose and at least I could cross it off, I said, “Hey, let’s play Simon Says.” Now, she can’t actually play Simon…

Categories: Advice, General Parenting, Not crazy...yet

MILP (Mothers in the Legal Profession) Roundup #209

Posted on June 28th, 2011

I’m this week’s guest hostess! I was going to do a theme, something Portlandia-like, but, um, that is harder than it looks. So if they let me do it again, I’ll do a Decemberists theme roundup then. Promise. The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup** is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom, Attorney Work Product and Butterflyfish blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday. Here it is: LEO shares tips on getting it all done. WNWL has more plot twists than a Danielle Steele novel! CM has a whirlwind weekend. Dinei educates. LL enjoys her well-deserved victory! Butterflyfish has decisions to make. SuzieJD is a social butterfly. RG experiences the sand, smoke, and salt on the Gulf Coast.…

Categories: General Parenting, Law

Our favorite coloring sheets

Posted on June 27th, 2011

I love coloring sheets. Why? Selfishly, because they give me time to write while Pea works, usually quietly, at the table nearby. Well, there are other reasons, too. Developmentally, Pea works on fine motor skills and, intellectually, we can talk about the picture she’s coloring, why she’s chosen the colors she has, or the features of the animal or object. Also? It’s kind of fun to color a coloring sheet, especially if you were raised with a buttoned up Calvinist work ethic that means that if something is fun, it’s probably evil. (Not that I was, right?) So, um, I might have been known to color the occasional page or two. Here are some of our favorites: All the Made by Joel coloring sheets.…

Categories: Dinosaurs, General Parenting

My part for population control

Posted on June 27th, 2011

I just engaged in an epic wrestling match to keep Pea from putting a recently-plucked booger in her mouth. I won. Barely. This wasn’t in the parenting brochure I read.

Categories: General Parenting

And the moral of the story is…

Posted on June 26th, 2011

Vicodin makes me feel strung out and bloated and want to clean the house. Strongly dislike. (But my back is much better.) Pea is allergic to peanuts. (Further limiting our dining options when added to my crazy allergy list – um, yay?) When your kid says, “I don’t want to go to see the Scottish dancers” that means she really doesn’t want to go see the Scottish dancers, and will throw a hissy fit when forced to attend. (But if she thinks this gets her out of going to the Highland Games next month, she is mistaken.) Photographers hogging entire (public) parks to do photo shoots on nice weekend days should be shot. (And not by cameras.) And…that’s all I’ve got. It was a…

Categories: Routines, Too much to ask?

“It tastes pink. How does a cake taste pink?”

Posted on June 25th, 2011

So said M, after sampling the purple cake with pink frosting and dinosaur sprinkles.

Categories: Eating

My Not-So-Secret Identity

Posted on June 25th, 2011

When I was at the ER/urgent care Thursday, the RN asked me, “What do you do?” She was asking, I think, to ascertain whether my back injury had anything to do with work, or if it would interfere with work. I blinked, then I said, “I stay at home with my daughter.” It shouldn’t be a big deal to say that, should it? I mean, yes, I do stay at home with my daughter. I have for the last year. I could have said I’m a writer, I suppose. If I can help it, I don’t admit I’m a lawyer when I’m around medical professionals. But still, that was a big moment. I stay at home with my daughter. It was an easy answer,…

Categories: Advice, Epiphanies, Sick Mom