Mean girls start early
Posted on September 12th, 2011
Today, when I was dropping Pea off at school, she went over to play with her new school BFF. But BFF said, “No, I don’t want to play with you, I want to play with X.”
Pea was baffled. I was baffled! I mean, I can handle mean girls on my own, but directed at my kid? I patted Pea on the head, since she didn’t seem to be upset, said my goodbyes, and when I waved from the window (I was parked in front of her classroom) she seemed to be fine.
When I picked her up, she was still fine — fine as in, told me that she was busy with art and that I should come back in a few minutes. Outside, on the way to the car, I asked who she played with. She did play with BFF and all seemed to be patched up, but in regards to X and Y, other girls in the class, she told me, “They aren’t very nice.” She didn’t tell me specifics, but aside from kids really acting up on the playground, I don’t think I’ve ever heard her describe age-mates that way.
Also, regarding classmate Y: this morning (Monday) there was an invitation in Pea’s box, to Y’s birthday party, taking place this weekend. And with RSVPs requested by Tuesday. Now, I’ll admit I avoid the kiddie birthday scene like the plague (I think we’ve let Pea attend five parties, total, and her own birthdays are low key), but isn’t that a little, well, abrupt? I mean, no one needs a “save the date” but two weeks seems a lot more reasonable.
Anyway, we already had plans, so I could RSVP “non” in good conscience. I did politely and promptly, and didn’t even receive a responding email. Hm…
That’s happened to Monk too. Which might be why she plays with the boys. I see her eating lunch with the girls on occasion, but when I ask her about her friends, it’s always boys. As she put it, “The boys are more fun.” Which I took to mean that she got tired of the “I don’t want to play with you, but if there’s no one better, I’ll lower myself to talk to you” scene.
It’s hard the first time you see the social dynamics. When Monk started first grade, she spent the whole first week walking the lines of the playground because she didn’t know anyone and those she did know excluded her. (I know, I spied on her from my office window–in a totally non-creepy fashion, I might add) I think it bothered me more than it bothered her.
Because I wanted to strangle a bitch.
KIdding! They’re first graders. I wanted to give them all detention, but I figured that would be bad form.
But honestly, thank heaven for boys. I’ll be ruing those words when she hits eighth grade (though given the kissing game I broke up at lunch, it might be sooner), but for now, God bless ‘em.
I wish wish wish Pea would play with the boys! They could talk dinosaurs and trains and volcanoes! I’ve tried gently and not very gently suggesting it, but I keep getting shut down. (And it is so cute! The boys are always happy to see her.) I figure she’ll learn — eventually. She is as thick-skulled as both her parents.
And whoa! Kissing game already! Go Monk!
What is sad for me is that even though this was just a meh event in her life, watching it, I know what’s to come — and oh, what I wouldn’t do to let her skip junior high!
Like parents like children? That’s the only thing that I can think of. :-/ So sorry for Pea. I remember playing with the boys a lot in school (which could explain a lot about me and what I do now) and I remember being teased and bullied mercilessly for it in 5th and 6th grade.
In my experience, kids at that age seem to change their BFFs fairly often. Now if you have the gut feeling that P (and you) do not ever want Y as P’s friends, definitely give a no response to the party. Otherwise, it might be a nice opportunity for P to learn that we can get on with people even if we don’t always like them.
Just noticed you can’t go to the party anyway… but hope you got the gist of what I meant…how I feel like kicking the kids who are mean to mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m so sorry. I think in that respect boys are easier. Hug to Ms Pea from me.
Oh, how I was loathe to read this. I am not ready to think about how my P. will someday get teased for… something, get shunned for no good reason by little slimy girls and boys who I am just going to hate hate hate forever. Why are kids so mean? I remember asking myself that question when I was in grade school. And honestly, I hope I remember to have compassion about it, because for me, grade school and middle school were almost the worst years of my life but it felt like no grownups could believe that.
Yes, H has come up against it, always from girls. It gets me hot under the collar too. I’ve worked with him on getting over it by saying that sometimes friends don’t feel like playing together, look for someone else to play with. And I have invited difficult kids over, my theory being one on one time might make a difference. I visit one woman in my church every month with H in tow. Her girl won’t let H play with a single toy. We had her over to show a good example and she was a joy to have … but exactly the same when we went back to her house next month!