My daughter just discovered Caillou; I avoided this show as long as possible, because Caillou is parental purgatory. It’s benign, but for a show in which nothing really happens, Caillou is…just…sanity sapping.

For me, this means it’s time for a Caillou Drinking Game. This game joins the Dinosaur Train Drinking Game, the Angelina Ballerina Drinking Game, and the Sesame Street Drinking Game.*

Ready?

Take a drink whenever:

  • Caillou makes Rosie cry.
  • Caillou refuses to share with someone.
  • Caillou breaks something that belongs to someone else.
  • Caillou cries for no comprehensible reason.
  • Caillou whines.
  • The narrator says, “Caillou was feeling a little shy.”
  • The narrator says, “Caillou didn’t want to [...]“
  • The narrator says, “Caillou was upset.”
  • The narrator says, “Caillou was sad.”
  • Caillou says, “I don’t like [...]“
  • Caillou declares, “I want to do it!”
  • Caillou whines, “Mommy!” (This is the second most annoying thing to having your own kid whine, “Mommy!”)
  • Caillou’s mom looks like she’s waddling.
  • Clementine bosses other kids around.
  • You get a creepy vibe from Mr. Hinkle.
  • Adults unrelated to Caillou gush about how much they love/appreciate Caillou.
  • Someone, anyone, says, “Oh, dear.”
  • Caillou’s parents should be furious with him — and aren’t — take two drinks.
  • You want to shake some sense into Caillou, and/or give Caillou something to cry about. (Take two drinks. By this point, you need them.)

*No, I don’t actually drink much, but I do feel compelled to come up with these games.