The Facebook status I’d never post
Posted on December 19th, 2011
My Facebook friends are having lovely holidays for the most part, and I am enjoying their holidays vicariously. Which is why I won’t ever post this:
- More blood drawn today. No results until (I’m told, best case) Friday. TB is being pitched as an upbeat diagnosis.
- So, yeah. TB. Go, me!
- To pay for Pea’s school, we are dependent on getting reimbursed from FSA childcare funds. We can’t submit for reimbursement until after the first of the month. We haven’t been reimbursed yet, and so we haven’t paid for December’s tuition. You may have noticed that it’s the 19th; I have. And so has the school, who now wants to assess a $5/day late fee. FSA, not so much.
- So, yeah. Screw you, FSA. Thanks.
- That was the email I opened immediately after getting back from the doctor today. After spending most of Saturday wallowing in self-pity, I was doing pretty well yesterday, until the doctor’s visit this morning.
- In a few minutes, a friend is supposed to drop by a present for Pea (which is wonderful and sweet) but I can’t stop crying.
- My therapy appointment is Wednesday and I can’t afford it.
- Holiday spirit? I have none.
I am trying to feel grateful for the blessings in my life, but you know, that only takes you so far when you want to curl up in a fetal position.
The reality is this is temporary (well, except for the TB, which would hopefully also be temporary); this is a VERY hard month financially for a perfect storm of circumstances that I haven’t bored you all with (other than the associated co-pays for all these damn medical visits).
Once a doctor M was working for said something to him along the lines of, “Oh, it’s just money, M.” This became our “let them eat cake” line, and the other day, he did a pitch-perfect imitation of the doctor and I laughed. I think if I saw her today I’d throttle her.
UPDATE: Tea with a friend helped. A lot. I still can’t talk about the medical bit without becoming a wreck, but that’s as it is.
*name alert*
Also, I hope you feel better.
Thanks all around!
Sorry, A.A.L. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts.
I feel you on the $ stress and I am so sorry you’re having a tough month. Sending hugs… and prescribing more tea!!
Thank you! And that white tea/apricot/vanilla I had was pretty darn good!
Been thinking…. and back here to say, people always post carefree stuff on FB and it has a tendency to make people feel inadequate if not outright sad. (PDF here : http://timewellness.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/jordan-et-al-2011-misery-has-more-company.pdf).
This is a dark time for many, many people, A.A.L., and I’m sorry that it is for you too. I hope that it feels better soon. Internet hugs!
That’s a really interesting article! It also fits with the adage about Facebook being for lying to people you know, and Twitter being for telling the truth to strangers.
I do find myself hiding from social media when I’m depressed, and/or posting something bizarre and distracting (like myself wearing my mother’s wedding veil) when I’m hanging onto my last nerve by a thread.
Oh my effing god! I’ve apparently been under a rock, in my own little self absorbed pity party. I am so sorry you’re going through all of this.
My M and I are thinking of you, and hoping for a speedy recovery.
Thank you! And the crazy thing is…I don’t actually feel that bad. I am hoping I get to add this to the list of my weird interactions with the medical profession.
My mother tested positive for TB many years ago. She was a nurse (now retired) and she was likely exposed on the job. Anyway, I remember that she took medication for a couple or few years, but that it was otherwise a non-event.
I’m hoping that’s the case here!
TB as in Tuberculosis? Is it just the scratch test thing because that only will show up positive for the antibodies but doesn’t necessarily mean that you have an active infection. They can only confirm that I think through an x-ray. I unfortunately know that because I have been exposed to it by my clients, who are often incarcerated for years. The good thing is that if you do have an active infection, it’s easily treatable with antibiotics.
I’m so sorry about the stress and the money issues and can only say that I know what you’re going through.
The big thing now is a blood test, which is supposed to be pretty accurate. The chances of my having a resistant case would be low, given that I’m not HIV positive and/or living in jail or the streets.
I am sorry this is such a tough time. Money stress is misery, especially at the holidays. I recently was sick for 7 weeks and I felt so sorry for myself I could not think about it or I would start crying. You will get a diagnosis soon, which will allow you to treat the issue and knock it out. I know it’s a dark time, but you guys are gonna make it though this. Good times are ahead, even if not immediately so. I have had some awfully bad seasons myself. Christmas 1999 *shudder.*
I know, that’s how I look at 2006 and 2009! I don’t think 2011 will rise to those levels; it just kind of came out of nowhere this year.
I’m so sorry you were so sick, though! 7 weeks with two little ones is so difficult.