Proof I can, and will, feel guilty about just about anything
Posted on February 28th, 2012
Yesterday I called out Pea’s new friend after she made fun of Pea stuttering.* Pea was excitedly trying to explain something when the other girl sneered (not parental hyperbole), “You just said ‘So,’ like, fifty times.”
Whoa, Nellie.
I said, “That was not a nice thing for you to say.” (Pea was still so excited about what she was trying to say that I don’t think she even noticed the exchange.) They played for a little while longer, and then it was time to make dinner, so I sent her friend home.
Then I felt guilty! I mean, I think it’s a fair house rule that mocking my child should be verboten, at least until she develops an ability to counter it. (The new friend is two years older.) I know I can’t put the kid in bubble wrap and protect her from everything, but heck, she’s four. I should be able to shield her at least a little while longer.
When I told him the story, M agreed. And yet: there’s still a little guilt.
*Pea stutters whenever she is on the brink of new cognitive development. When she does, we are very careful not to draw any attention to it.
I think that you handled it just fine. No need for guilt.
We do the whole, “Susie, in our house we don’t [tease].” Then a sentence affirming other child’s behavior: “Pea can say ‘so’ as many times as she likes.”
Other people’s kids, eh? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to say, “In our house we don’t use the word ‘baby.’ [in referring to Ben, our youngest].”
However, at Ben’s parent teacher conference the teacher said how nice our kids were to the other kids, and how she could tell we made kindness a priority. So someone noticed all our efforts!!!
totally no need for guilt. none at all.
No guilt. Please. Nate does the same thing with the stuttering (but it’s um instead of so) and I feel guilty for even thinking “God dammit just f’in spit it out already.” I’m glad that you called her o it…
Also, FWIW, I was sometimes not the kindest child, and the few instances where other kids’ parents gently but firmly called me on my bad behavior stick with me to this day. In a good way. You did the neighbor girl a favor.
Ha! I say stuff like that to other kids all the time and do not feel the slightest pang of guilt. I’m just a pushy mom like that.
You shouldn’t feel guilty about that AT ALL. Kids tease my daughter (pretty aggressively) because she is shy and quiet around them, and it infuriates me. I think as long as your response is appropriate for the age of the child you’re reprimanding, I don’t see anything wrong with that at all.
For example, when I walked in and saw a really mean boy in her class shoving her stuff off the end of the table, I told him he needed to keep to his own space and be nice to others. I did not say “you are such a brat your mother probably hates you” even though, in all likelihood, truth.
So I think you did the right thing!
If there’s a kid playing at my house, I feel free to direct them as I would my own child. You have no reason to feel guilty about it whatsoever. Jacob stutters if he’s excited about telling me something and he’s 10.
I needed to read this today–the part about Pea stuttering when on the brink of cognitive breakthroughs (Reading, maybe!). My four-year-old does that too (she’s literally thinking aloud) and she has huge tantrums to mix it up. A nice reminder that things are happening in her young brain and I need patience.
And you shouldn’t feel guilty at all. You should not. Not at all. Not a jot. (Sorry, Dr. Seuss’s birthday and all that.)
My patience has been in short supply this week (M traveled Sunday-Thursday), and slowing down and remembering her cues (when I finally figured them out!), like the stuttering, helped a lot. Not enough for me to avoid exasperation every night around 7, but helpful.
No guilt, please! I know that stuff like that will happen on the playground and at school, but we don’t have to go so far as to let it happen in our homes. You were right to say something.