The dearth of posts explained
Posted on May 20th, 2012
Just as an FYI: when I get to the place where I’m not even posting pictures, it means I’m in a funk.
This time, the funk has been exhaustion (from husband sick nearly two full weeks + my not-quite-as-strong illness), emotional exhaustion (reserves? what reserves?) to professional exhaustion (when I get to the place where I hate the novel, it means I am wiped out, and the editing assignments I’ve been given…oh, man). So I’ve been basically…caving. Playing Civ IV, cleaning, rearranging furniture, taxiing people to various appointments (including some of my own), shopping (within reasonable limits) and reading. Lots of reading.
Today I’d reached my limit. Completely. I had awful back pain, everything made me want to cry, and I just wanted to sleep.
And then, one of the people who helped raise me (obviously not one of my parents) called. I haven’t spoken to this person in five years, but suffice it to say, it doesn’t matter. She’s known me since I was single-digits and now has the ability to say things like, “You know, your mother never said anything to you that didn’t make me want to strangle her,” and you know what? THAT HELPS. Everything that makes me realize I was not the crazy one? That helps.
I feel like I’m back to the real world. I’m ready for therapy tomorrow (something I was dreading). I will be OK.
Aw – I’m sorry. Always here to listen.
So, when you said you hated mothers’ day on facebook, I commented that I did too – I assumed though that it meant something different for you. Reading this though, it appears we had a very similar experience with mothers/childhood.
I know that even in a sea of friends who care, it can be hard to find true understanding as a survivor of any kind of abuse/hardship in childhood – I know I had a really tough time finding anyone who was willing to be open about going through something like what I did.
So here’s me reaching out, even though we only know each other over the internet – my email address is attached to this comment and you have my facebook info
If you ever need to talk to someone who gets it, or just want someone who will listen without strings attached, or anything at all, just hit me up. From one survivor to another.
Nuts. You WILL be ok!
Sorry that you’re going through this. It’s hard to explain emotional exhaustion to someone that hasn’t gone through it, because they just can’t understand, but I get it. I think it’s good that you’re giving yourself a break from things- especially if you’re doing something like writing. It’s not going to be good if you’re wiped out! Hopefully you’ll be rejuvenated and ready to jump back in soon.
You will be okay. I’m sorry this in-between time is so hard. (Internet hugs)
You know, I was just feeling amazed the other day by how much you do – P., writing in various media, the huge variety of interesting things you do in your “free” time, new job, etc., etc. You are incredible!!!
Thank you all so much for your comments! It really does help to know I’m not alone. Sometimes I get stuck/caught in a maelstrom of self-pity and it takes a good, swift kick to get me back on track.
I’m sorry about your funk, and I’m glad you’re coming back.