The next time you want to sit down to type up a post about just how colossally shitty your day is going?

Don’t.

Because that may be the point (foreshadowing!) when your husband takes the biggest, sharpest kitchen knife to slice open a watermelon — and, Eagle Scout though he is — somehow manages to cut his finger all the way down to the bone.

And then follows a six hour emergency department visit.

Booyah. What a Monday.