Law Professors You Will Meet: The Snob
Posted on August 3rd, 2012
The Snob (like all of the other professor types, excepting the Adjunct) pulls down a decent six figure salary and heaven only knows how much more in benefits.
But he thinks he’s woefully underpaid. He is an expert and widely published in the law of the ferret and the application of the Second Amendment to Super Soakers. In fact, he’s the faculty advisor for Law School X Super Soaker and Ferret Law Review, the only journal of its kind in the country.
He is very, very clever (or at least thinks so).
He went to a very, very good school. You’ll know because not only will he find a way to mention it every class period, he’ll also hang his crimson robe by the door to his office.
He never, ever practiced law (the Supreme Court clerkship and one year in BigLaw don’t count).
He has a very, very young wife (his fourth).
And nothing galls him more than having to take time out of his very, very grueling schedule of wining and dining other very, very important people and meeting with the governor and drafting ferret-related legislation to slum in the classroom and teach you ignorant proles civil procedure.
Of course, he won’t actually teach you civil procedure.
Instead, he’ll tell stories about his glory days prosecuting rogue ferrets and detailing how Second Amendment case law has been inexorably altered by the Super Soaker. Heaven forbid you have anything but a completely reverential look upon your face during these stories, or you’ll find yourself called on even on days when it isn’t your turn and on subjects that he hasn’t bothered to assign readings in.
Warning: he may wear bow ties.
• If you’re impressed by that sort of thing, you can bask in the Snob’s reflected glory.
• I can’t come up with a second advantage. Sorry.
• The Snob despises you. You aren’t his kind. He’s embarrassed that he’s teaching at your school instead of one of the Ivies.
• Do not bother going to the Snob for help. If you don’t understand the concept he’s teaching, it’s obviously your fault. You’re too stupid to appreciate his genius.
• You have to buy hornbooks or you’ll never learn the law.
• There is no telling what his exam will be on, because he doesn’t bother with writing practice exams or putting old exams on file in the library. Maybe the department secretary will get around to it this year. Anyway, it’s not his fault. Nothing ever is.
This is an excerpt from the Attorney At Large’s Guide to Law School.