Law Students You Will Meet: The Cause (for rising 1Ls)
Posted on August 3rd, 2012
The Cause has an agenda.
Save the whales. Save the native species. Save the rainforest.
My school was known for its Cause law program. Before I started law school, I thought I wanted to go into this Cause field. I’m liberal. I care about whales, native species, and the rainforest.
And then I met all the Cause students and thought, “There is no way I want to spend three years with these people, let alone a career.”
The Cause students are hard core. They never let up. They have fundraisers (with organic, vegan fare). They organize drives to pull ivy out of nearby parks. (Invasive! Species! Must! Die!)
They demand you call your Senator on the spot to demand whatever it is they’re advocating for. They harangue you in the bathroom for using too much toilet paper (happened to a friend) or for wearing leather (ditto).
They squat over the toilets so that they don’t have to use TP. They don’t wash their hands, because that would be wasting water and paper towels. They brag about this.
At my law school, Cause students wouldn’t use disposable cups. Instead, they used reusable mugs. Except none of the Cause students brought the mugs back to the sink to be washed (they’d just leave them lying around campus), so janitorial staff would throw them away. Yeah. That saved energy and water. Right?
The Cause grew up in an upper middle class household, has never actually suffered, and can’t handle criticism. If you try to argue with the Cause, it will degenerate into ad hominem attacks fast. Expect that your use of a non-hybrid vehicle or bicycle will come up. Frequently.
The Cause made me crave steak and air-conditioning. The Cause made me want to plant invasive species in my garden. I’m reactionary that way, I guess.
The Cause makes me tired just to write about.
Tips for dealing with the Cause:
• Go for the organic, vegan pizza, but don’t stay for the lecture.
• “I already gave at the office.” (Don’t worry that they’ll dislike you; they’ll think you’re a jerk for not doing whatever the Cause demands, anyway. Just escape as quickly as you can.)
• Don’t shake hands. You don’t know where they’ve been.