What not to wear (to court)
Posted on August 20th, 2012
This is really hard to admit, even pseudonymously.
But once, right after Pea was born, I accidentally wore Crocs to court.
I say accidentally because I had heels with me. But my feet still hurt, so I wore the Crocs in the car. And I was brain dead from lack of sleep. I forgot to put the heels on and didn’t realize I was wearing the Crocs until after I’d gone up, signed myself in for ex parte, waited my turn, gone in to chat with the judge, and then left chambers.
And then, in open court, I looked down and said in front of everyone else waiting for ex parte, “Oh, shit.”
Sure, this was one of the most laid back judges in most laid back of the three circuit courts in our metro region. And she never noticed, because she didn’t turn around until after I was sitting across from her desk. But…God, you guys. I wore Crocs. To court.
I am usually overdressed for my area of the country. I get twitchy if my bag and hat and shoes don’t match. I break out in hives if I see navy and brown worn together.
Five years was a long time for me to be carrying this secret around.
I feel much better now.

HA! I did that too, except I was 8 months pregnant, forgot I had the crocs on when I left the house, and I had a full day bench trial.
I still half laugh, half sob at the memory.
I judge you!
(Just kidding, sometimes I look down and realize I didn’t change out of my commuting shoes.
… BUT THEY ARE NOT CROCS.)
If we were real-life friends, you would twitch in my presence. I don’t match my shoes to my outfits, I like them to contrast, ALWAYS. Perhaps I’ll pick up a pair of navy crocs to wear with a brown dress
On Twitter last night, someone showed me a link with some cute Crocs that I wouldn’t have minded wearing to court. WHY WERE THEY NOT THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED THEM?!
All the more reason to not even own a pair of Crocs. Besides the fact that they are the single most hideous shoe a person can put on her foot. You seemed so fashionable with all your hats. What happened to you that led you to the footwear dark side?
Sometimes Court of Appeals cases are argued in rooms with just tables (no bench) – so you can see the judges’ feet. I had to do two arguments in front of a judge who was wearing Crocs. It was insanely distracting! We spent more time talking about it afterward than talking about the arguments/questions. And now I realize it’s only tangentially related to your post, but it does seem like an appropriate story to share. I still chuckle thinking about it.
OMG, which judge?!
Just sent you a private message with that information…although I know you only want to know so that you can ask him how to get away with wearing them fashionably. Just say no!
So funny!! I almost bought black Toms to wear to court when I was preggo (but I was too cheap!)