Old times there are not forgotten
Posted on September 18th, 2012
I’ve been volunteering for park day at Pea’s school. This means walking with the kids to the park, hanging out for about an hour, and walking back.
Today I witnessed four boys picking on another boy.
It started with the four boys holding a see-saw down so the other boy couldn’t get down. He said he was scared. I told them to knock it off. (They did.)
A few minutes later, I noticed they were calling him trash. As in chanting, “You’re trash. You’re trash. You’re trash.” Repeatedly.
Suppressing my natural inclination to go and kick their little asses (I really don’t like other people’s children much) I said, “Knock it off. It’s not nice to call a person trash. Ever. We don’t do it.”
The ringleader went off and crouched behind a table. (Shame? Frustration at being caught? I would wager the latter but hope for the former.) I explained it to the teachers. Two other boys wandered off and the last bully went on to play nicely with the other boy.
I suppose it was an OK resolution. But it just didn’t sit well.
Maybe it’s because the four boys were white and the bullied child was black. Or that one of the bullies was wearing a Confederate soldier’s cap.
[I'm kind of embarrassed that the hat barely registered until much later, except as an identifier ("the kid in the gray hat"). When I saw first saw that kid, I assumed the family was into reenactment, which I file under weird but harmless. I thought it was odd the school would be OK with a child wearing a Confederate soldier's hat to school when dinosaur t-shirts are too violent and against school policy, but...whatever.]
It was only hours later that I thought, WTF? What five and six year olds call each other trash? Was it coincidence these four kids found the only African American kid in two kindergartens to pick on? Was it coincidence one of the kids was Johnny Reb?
Hell if I know. All I can say is this pretty much guaranteed I’ll be volunteering for park day every damned week now.
And woe to the boy who turns on my child.
OMG Fuck Oregon! You know my girls IRL…..the number of times I’ve been asked “where did you get them….” because they’re darker skinned than I am. Ahhh! The rage. Those boys are damn lucky you didn’t kick their ass into next week. I hope the teacher says something to the parents. And to think people think racism doesn’t exist anymore.
It makes me sick. I’m glad I was there to shut it down, but how many other incidents of taunting go on that no adult overhears? So freaking horrible. And I hope the parents, when they learn about this (I am assuming they will and hoping they will) can work with the kids. But I’m left wondering where the hell they got “trash” from. My kid wouldn’t ever think to call someone trash, because she doesn’t hear it.
I don’t know how you manage to keep from going off on the people who ask about your daughters. Anyone who looks at A & A and doesn’t say, “These are the most beautiful/smart/funny/sassy” girls is a freak. 1) Because it’s true and 2) because they have no filter/social skills. Who the hell asks where you “got” them? Arrgh.
That is incredibly disturbing and cruel. Good for you for putting an end to it and telling the teachers.
Thanks. I only hope there’s some follow up. I’m still stunned the whole thing went down. They’re 5-6, for pete’s sake!
Wow. Wow. I can’t believe it. I think I would make a MUCH bigger deal of it to the appropriate channels. Confederate garb is totally inappropriate for school (or, IMO, elsewhere). And trash used in that context sure sounds like a slur to me. I would specifically use the word “slur” when you report it because sometimes people aren’t familiar with them. (I was once called a “devil” by a black cashier at the “black” grocery store I frequent, and when I reported it the also-black manager’s face didn’t register until I said the word “slur.” The manager was more upset that the cashier told me I would have to bag my own groceries, which I thought was tacky but not, you know, a racial slur. In any event, I never saw that cashier again.)
I think in Philadelphia that situation would lead to severe disciplinary action, for sure.
It’s interesting… here H’s K is so antibullying it seems paranoid. They have whole systems for reporting put downs. There are bathrooms in each classroom. Each grade has a separate lunch. I was feeling a little put out by it all (“can’t these kids get along for five minutes?”), but when I see an alternative….
Any way, I think you handled the kids marvelously. And whatever you do from here on out will be best, I am sure. I am the kind of person who wants to hear what is being done about it, though. I don’t assume telling one employee (even one with responsibility) makes it up the ladder. I just go up the ladder. Which makes me SUPER popular, as I bet you can guess! On the other hand, my concerns are dealt with very promptly.
Thanks, Anna! I did get some follow-up. I don’t know if it’s enough, but time will tell. I do think both teachers took it very seriously, so there’s that.
For a lot of people, the confederate flag is a symbol of culture. I’ve had people (ok, one person) apologize in advance for her confederate flag decorations and say that she wasn’t trying to be rebellious but that it’s just their history and their culture. The confederate flag isn’t just about racism. A good portion of the people in this country have roots that lead to a confederate ancestor. When the flag is used to symbolize slavery or hatred or racism, it is totally inappropriate. But people fought on the confederate side for other reasons, I’m sure. I’m not trying to justify bullying or racism at all, just wanted to share what I learned from a mom who had a confederate flag symbol in her home and most definitely was not racist.
That said, yay for you for sticking up for that kid!
Oh and an aside….My husband is half Filipino, It took him a while to feel comfortable taking our blue eyed, blond haired son out in public alone. He was always worried people would think he had kidnapped a baby! Lol!
The first draft of this post included a paragraph about my southern bona fides, but I deleted it (it’s not that hard to figure out who I am, but that would have made it a lot easier). One thing I find interesting is that my parent who was born and raised in the South is less racist and obnoxious about it than my parent who was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest.
I will go out there and say this: my husband believed the states’ rights crap that gets taught about the Civil War in the South, because that was where he was born and raised. It was only later, when he read primary accounts from British and French observers of the war — and the reasons they were cautious to get involved on the Southern side (slavery) — that he realized the enormity of it all.
To turn this around and try to make it somewhat light-hearted, read Confederates in the Attic by Tony Horowitz. It’s hilarious, serious, sad, and entertaining.
Oh, but don’t worry, we’re past racism as a country! /end sarcasm.
Seriously, good for you for doing that!
Thanks, Grace! I can’t believe it’s freaking necessary in 2012.
That is a slur that I associate specifically with skin color – not sure why, although I think I can remember my grandparents using it in place of the n-word, which was actually a bit of a relief, comparatively speaking. Once you mentioned the Confederate hat, I was certain the kid had observed his parents modeling the behavior. Hopefully that’s not the case, but…yikes.
On another note, dinosaur T-shirts are not allowed because dinosaurs are too violent for school? WTF? I wonder if it would be okay to wear a bear T-shirt.
It’s no wonder I dislike most other people’s children. Good for you for stepping in.