I’ve had “rewrite resume” on my to-do list for a couple of months.

Now, my resume is perfectly serviceable. I have a long version and a short version and they were lovingly and carefully formatted and are, I think, error-free. They’ve been vetted. (Admittedly, they never got me a job. That happened through connections.)

But oh, they’re so freaking boring. They look like a lot of resumes, and when I was practicing and we were hiring, I read a lot of resumes. I think I read ALL the resumes. And what does mine tell you? I made a bunch of money for somebody (not me) and I know a lot of big words. Oh, and I know the ins-and-outs of civil litigation in a state that has some of the weirdest rules about civil litigation and a completely unrelated technical field which is now almost entirely obsolete (pre-law). You can get that from my LinkedIn profile. Except I left off the part about the “a lot of money for someone else” bit because my ex-boss is a contact on LinkedIn, and that’s awkward.

I think, for the hell of it, I’m going to rewrite my resume the way I’d want it to read if I were the one reading resumes. Because why the hell not? The chances of my getting a job remain about the same (.0001% in the current market in this town). And it would be fun. I’ll redact it and post it here when I’m done, because, well, accountability.