This hurts like an SOB.

My breasts look like they were used for punching bags after getting road rash on concrete. My nipples look like recessed power buttons. Without a sports bra + ABD Pads it’s miserable (because no support). When I got out of the shower this afternoon, I was crying and shaking because it hurt so much. (Even so, it was nice to shower, which I couldn’t do until the drains were removed.)

The Oxycodone wasn’t doing enough for the pain. (Think of the pain as milk engorged breasts x100 with random sharp pain on top of that.) I was told that this was normal and that this is what they give under these circumstances and so on. BUT M wouldn’t take me being in pain unnecessarily when we knew Dilaudid would work; when I left the doctor’s office today, I left with a script for Dilaudid (hydromorphone), which was the drug at the hospital that had made me functional (staff went from thinking I might have to spend the night to getting me out the door around noon).

On Dilaudid, the pain is a lot better (although one breast is obviously not as advanced as the other and it hurts more; at the office they remind women “they’re sisters, not twins, and won’t heal at the same rate”), although not entirely gone.

I am so itchy, though. I hate the narcotic itching and the way it makes me sleepy and stupid. I’m happy it takes away the pain, but I can’t imagine wanting to take this for the hell of it. I’m charting what I take for meds, just because I’m too stupid right now to remember otherwise.

Also, I didn’t know this until yesterday, but it’s normal to cough mucous up after anesthesia. My memory of the recovery room involves some guy admonishing everyone (albeit one by one) to breathe deeply and cough; now I get it.

So while the pain isn’t fun, I’m trying to focus on the positives. It’s actually easy to stand or sit up straight now, with my shoulders more squared.  I tried on jackets and shirts that I used to not be able to button all the way up. Now, I can, even with the ABD pads in the sports bra.

I’m dreadful at taking it easy, but I don’t want to delay healing. So I put this in my ongoing to-do journal:

IMG_4451

Just so I’d have something to cross off at the end of the day. I think it may be extending a day or two longer, though.